Thursday, December 3, 2015

To Thanksgiving and Beyond!

Good morning, friends! 

Chloe gave the pie her stamp of approval! 
I have been super busy lately so not much of a chance to get on here. I've been doing well and feeling pretty in control, the scale has been giving me some trouble but I'm trying not to focus on that so much as how I feel. 

How was everyone's Thanksgiving? Mine was SUPER relaxing which is always awesome! My mom, Mr. Fox, and I went to my dad and brother's for the day - my parents are divorced but still friends. Long story. Mom and I did the cooking which was nice because I had a lot of control over what the PointsPlus values of the meal, and all the control over what went into the foods I made. I definitely did eat more than I planned on, and I stopped tracking after some stuffed mushrooms and a taste of stuffing, but I was more in control than in past years, and it felt really good! 

My favorite food was probably a tie between mom's stuffing and the cranberry sauce I made. And my favorite dessert was my butternut squash pie. This was the first time I attempted it, and it was even better than pumpkin! Super smooth and delicious! And I was able to use about half the sugar because roasted butternut is so naturally sweet!! SO yum!! 

We spent the evening relaxing by the beautiful fire! 

The rest of the long weekend was fairly uneventful, but also relaxing. Lots of snuggling and reading. I did decide to kick my commitment for intentional exercise into high gear and hopped on my stepper for 30 minutes on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I skipped Monday because I had to go grocery shopping and it just got too late, but I did it again Tuesday and last night!  I'm feeling pretty good about it. 

Sunday we spent some time with my in-laws with football and good food. I love hanging out with the kids. They snuck my phone and were playing with the doodle app. I have to share their masterpiece haha! 

Conference call!
This week has been alright so far. Busy nights and dreadfully boring days due to not enough work. This weekend is fairly busy though! Dinner with mom tonight, probably dinner with dad tomorrow, Ugly Sweater 5K on Saturday morning, Mr. Fox has a show on Saturday night. Hopefully getting our tree on Sunday!! 

Post workout selfie!
My scale woes are tough. My Friday WI showed me at 255 which was right where I wanted to get to. I hopped on Wednesday night and Thursday morning and it showed a 4.5 lb gain. Which undoes weeks of work. Last night I was really excited because my body fat percentage had gone down 3% according to my scale. I did it again and again and was feeling really good - like the exercise is paying off. This morning - back up 3%. WTF. Literally WTactualF. 

Now it could be many things. I succumbed to a binge on Sunday night. I didn't even begin to track because I couldn't even think of all the things I ate. It's also TOM for me. And I have been exercising which can show a gain. 

Regardless it's still discouraging. 

I'm not going to let it stop me though. I will continue to work the plan and pray that is works for me. 

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Thanksgiving Eve Eve.

Happy Tuesday, all. 

I feel like I should have stayed in bed today! 

On a positive note, all my Thanksgiving shopping is done so no more grocery store trips for me! 

Yesterday I was so in control of my eating up until I got home. Mr. Fox brought home some venison steaks from his parents so I planned to cook those with some brussels sprouts and risotto. I don't know what I was thinking, really. Grocery shopping put me behind so I didn't even get home until about 6pm. Then I had to put everything away in groups so when I cook tonight and tomorrow there is some sort of organized chaos. 

Then my mom called. She is having a literal nervous breakdown right now and I don't know what to do to help her. She's been bullied and harassed at work and cannot go to HR because they aren't helping her. This has happened to the point where she is out of work, in constant contact with doctors, periodically needs people to be with her, and last night she actually went to the hospital for a little bit. 

So between trying to de-clutter, consoling my mother, trying to help my hubby with his insurance paperwork.. I had a little bit of a "thing" - this is what we refer to mini breakdowns as in our family. I decided I not only didn't want to get started with cooking for Thursday, but I didn't want to make dinner, and I was so stressed I was just not even hungry. And of course hubby did not know what to do, as per usual. I literally told him what to do. In his favor he listened. 

We ended up getting pizza and salad. Which actually wouldn't have been so bad except on his way out the door my binge goblin told him to ask if they had cheesecake. The did. Of course they did. I ate half the pizza, a bowl of salad and a giant piece of cheesecake. This all put me even MORE into the red (with my PointsPlus) than I already was. 

Needless to say I went to bed feeling fat and sad. 

This morning I felt a little better. I got a decent night of sleep so I'm sure that helped. I hopped on the scale to see how badly I was killing myself. Up about a pound from Friday - actually not terrible. But also not good. I put a smile on my face (along with my work clothes and a coat) and headed in to work. 

Of ALL the mornings I drive the SAME route to work, this morning I got pulled over - by the most argumentative cop ever! I have nothing but respect for our military and law enforcement but this guy was just trying to pick a fight. The conversation went something like this: 

“Did you see those flashing lights back there?”
“The one’s for the school zone?”
“I did, I was in the process of slowing down for them.”
“No, you weren’t.”
“I didn’t mean to sound disrespectful, I just meant my foot was on the brake pedal.”
“Well you’re calling me a liar.”
“I would absolutely never do that, my father is in law enforcement. I’m doing nothing but trying to cooperate with you.”
“You’re about to talk yourself into a ticket.”
“Sounds like SOMEONE isn’t getting enough lovin’ at home!!”

OK I didn’t say that last one. But I thought it. 

I got away with a written warning - but only because I "didn't have any recent tickets." 

Then I got to work and the parking lot was full of insane people. I found a spot and went to pull in and the woman in one of the adjacent spots threw open her door. OK no problem. This happened in two more spots. I found one that had nobody in either adjacent spot - just a woman getting things out of her hatch back. I went to pull into the spot and I kid you not she literally walked from behind her vehicle to IN the spot I was pulling in to. 

It took a lot for me to not just turn around and go home. 

My day has since gotten better. I'm hopeful that it will stay on the even ground it seems to be on now. I plan to make the dinner I had planned for yesterday, and to start some cooking for Thanksgiving. I'll be sure to update how that goes. 

For now: breathe in, breathe out, repeat.  

Monday, November 23, 2015

Monday, Monday.

Oreo Lava Cake at Chili's
How was everyone's weekend? Mine was full, fun, and relaxing.

Friday night I went out to dinner with a friend. Chili's was probably not the best choice considering I'm trying to stay on track. I had planned out what I was going to eat, but that went almost completely out the window. UGH!! Why do I do this to myself?!

Chili's has a new deal. Their 2 for $20 is still available (and would have been a MUCH better choice) where you get two entrees and an app, but now they have a 2 for $35 where you get two entrees, an app, a dessert, AND two presidente margaritas!! Did I need half a dessert OR a margarita?! Like a freaking hole in the head. So of course we went with that.

In hind sight the dessert was mediocre and I could have done without the drink. And the app to be honest but I like munching on their chips.

Ashton is the actual cat's pajamas!! 
After Chili's we went to Bed Bath and Beyond. I could seriously spend ALL day in that store. I bought a new Wood Wick candle, and some pajamas and socks to torture dress up my cat. He is hilarious when he has animal clothing on. If you've ever seen It's Always Sunny's Kitten Mittens episode - that's exactly how he was walking. It was amazing! I was hoping I would be able to use them for my dog when the fun was over, but she's a little too chunky for the pajamas! She may need to join mommy's diet efforts.

Saturday we went to get my car checked out - of course when I got it to the shop the noise it had been making wasn't happening. Story of my life!! It worked out because I had an appointment to get new tires. My mom had worked out an amazing deal for me but when I got there the size was wrong. I definitely didn't get QUITE the deal I was hoping for but I have four safe, brand new tires that will get me where I need to go without the stress of a blow out.

Saturday night was movie and Boboli date night in for me and Mr. Fox. We watched Mad Max which was AMAZING!! I had been putting it off because I am a huge fan of the original Mad Max movies. I was completely impressed and would HIGHLY recommend it to anyone who is an action fan, comic fan, Mad max fan, or just don't know what to watch!

My Boboli was my FAVORITE combo of caramelized onions with fig balsamic vinegar, brie, blue cheese, and asparagus. Sometimes I add bacon.

So far my plan to stay on plan was a success. I ate more than anticipated on Friday night but whatever. Saturday went about as planned. Then came Sunday.

I was really doing well. I had a slice of leftover pizza for breakfast. I made tex mex stuffed shells at my moms - which were not so great for me but not terrible. Better than if I had let her make them. But I convinced her that because I had been doing well, everything needed to be measured. Then she decided she wanted brownies. SUPER binge trigger food for me. She knows this. I know this. But she is having a literal nervous breakdown right now so I succumbed to her brownie needs.

Binge aftermath. 
I tried. I really tried. But I just couldn't. stop. eating. them.

This triggered additional binge eating once I got home. RIP Nutella Mini Cups, Half Jar of Peanut Butter, and Saltines.

Disappointment and disgust was all I felt after that. BUT I tracked it, took a shower to get away from the food, then planned my next day so I would be on top of it.

I'd like to focus on clean eating for a while. I think it will be good to "detox" my body from processes food and sugar. Maybe reduce cravings. I got some free ebooks about Paleo eating and was considering trying that as well. My meals are always so focused on carbs. We'll see how that goes!

For today, I'm back on the horse, and not SO far in the hole that I can't break even (or even dig myself out a little!) by weigh in on Thursday morning. YES, I'm *totally* cheating and weighing in Thursday instead of Friday because of Thanksgiving.

So with that I wish a Happy Monday to whoever is reading this!!

Friday, November 20, 2015

Learning to Love Myself

Self Love.

This is something I know all too little about. I know how to fake it, and put on a show for everyone to see, but when it comes down to the nitty gritty - I don't believe my own act.

I have been in a little bit of a rut lately; getting down on myself for my efforts slowing, reversing, halting.. Last night things really came to a head. I had purchased a pair of boots from an online store based out of the UK. I was really excited because I have large calves- both genetically and from being overweight - and I've never been able to wear tall boots. The delivery came yesterday and I couldn't wait to try them on!

Well guess what? They didn't freaking fit. I was so upset that I tried and tried and when I was able to get them all zipped up, it just looked like I had tried to shove a water balloon inside a toilet paper tube. I was crushed. I let myself fall into a downward spiral of self hatred; telling myself how disgusting I am, how ugly my fat is, how I don't deserve to lose the weight, that I'm completely unworthy because I have treated myself so horribly for so many years.

Then I realized how terribly I really do treat myself. Not just physically by not eating right or exercising regularly, but mentally and emotionally. I was constantly putting myself down, to the point where I felt selfish if I had a positive thought about myself. I use these terms past tense because they need to be. Nobody should be treating themselves the way I was.

Someone on the Weight Watchers message boards started a thread about positive self image. It made me realize I'm far from the only person who struggles with it. I mean, I *knew* I wasn't the only person, but it's nice to actually see and hear other people's stories. I decided to commit to actively changing my views about myself, and taking care of my body. I will focus on things that I do love about myself, no matter how few those are right now.

In related news, my weigh in this morning went about as expected - up 1.2 lbs. BUT I'm OK with that, because I know what it was caused by. I ate too much on my long weekend and tried to make up for it by not eating well throughout the week. It could have been SO much worse too; I hopped on the scale after my binge weekend and the scale showed up 9 lbs!! OMG!! I know it was mostly water weight but holy moly NINE pounds?!

Glad THAT didn't stick.

This week, as a start, I plan to be more aware of how I treat myself, and to be grateful for the things I have and can do. I think it's a good week to start that.

Happy Friday, everyone!!

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Weekend Recap!

Woah! I totally had every intention of hopping on over the weekend but that obviously did not happen. I wish I could say I was doing something spectacularly exciting and was completely unable to even get to my computer - but no, I was simply being a lazy bones.

Lets recap!

Thursday actually was pretty exciting - I went to NYC for the first* time!!!!
*first time that wasn't a field trip to the  Statue of Liberty, that is.

My friend, Emily - who I threw the surprise 30th birthday party for - got tickets to The Tonight Show. Her cousin's wife is a makeup artist on the show so we were able to get VIP, which means no waiting in line and we're guaranteed tickets (they over book to make sure the seats are full.)

So the day was a little dreary but it was great to finally get to see the city. The subway system was a breeze compared to what I thought it would be - similar to the T in Boston just more trains to keep track of!! We went to ground zero to see the memorial which is beautiful! We walked down so we could see the Statue of Liberty across the bay. We got lunch at a great burger place for lunch, and other than that pretty much walked around the city until it was time to see the show!

I instantaneously decided that I do NOT like Times Square. I'm glad I went once, but I have absolutely zero intention of going again unless I have to. It's too big, too bright, too loud. There are too many smells. I swear every step there was a different one - pizza.. garbage.. toilet.. popcorn.. burnt hair?! Yeah, not a fan. That and there were entirely too many Minnie Mouses, the characters all kept taking their masks off (poor kids!), and I think Cookie Monster hit on me.

Rockefeller Center was neat to see. The building itself had THE WORST ventilation - I was seriously sweating in there. But the atmosphere was great and the lighting was beautiful. We got to see the Christmas Tree, however it was having the lights put on - which was actually really cool to see!

The show was SO much fun! The studio was MUCH cooler than the rest of the building - and much smaller!! We were told at the beginning they don't "fluff" the show at all - no laugh or clap tracks - so we were essentially to be as enthusiastic as possible. Jimmy was hilarious as always. The guests were Elizabeth Banks, Jon Glaser, and Tim McGraw.

After the show we got to go backstage to see Kimberly's makeup room. We walked by Tim McGraw and his band hanging out by their dressing room, saw Questlove in the hallway, and got to meet Mark Kelley - the bassist for the Roots. 

We went to the East Village after that for dinner at an awesome little Mexican place called Dahlias. I was a much bigger fan of that area than Times Square. I felt like I would be comfortable living there.

Almost 20 hours and over 60,000 steps later, the NYC trip was a success and I will definitely be going back!!

The rest of my weekend was pretty typical - dinner with friends on Friday night. Their son was wearing the most adorable shirt that said "Only Child Membership" with a big faux stamp that said "Expires July 2016" - the CUTEST way to tell us they are expecting!! Which was super exciting!! I love babies. I can't wait to get out of our crappy apartment so we can have babies. *swoon*

Saturday and Sunday we stayed home, slept A LOT, played Fallout 4, and ate hahaha! I ended up with a killer migraine on Sunday evening which was a little bit of a bummer, but overall the weekend was awesome. The perfect mix of busy and relaxing!

This week - oh I can't believe Tuesday is almost over already!

I hope everyone has an awesome week!!

Monday, November 9, 2015

My Saturday In Pictures.

Saturday I had the most incredible opportunity to go to an open studio for my favorite artist, Josh Simpson!! He is an unbelievably talented, world renowned glass artist, and I'm so lucky that he is local to New England. This was his first open studio in 22 years, and it gave his fans the chance to not only browse his pieces, but to purchase older or "imperfect pieces for reduced pricing, AND to watch him work!! How amazing it was to be able to watch my favorite artist actually creating the beautiful glass pieces I have admired for so many years!! 

I took well over 400 photos of the studio and him at work, but I'll just share a handful of my favorites for today. Once I get photos of the pieces I purchased I'll put them up as well. 

Multi solid colored glass vases were arranged in the most beautiful rainbow:  

His planets and other pieces were hidden everywhere! I love how they look in the plants: 

I had the opportunity to meet Josh for the second time - this is a blurry photo but I should have a more clear one on the way to me! My mom calls him the only man who can render me speechless!! 

Josh showing a piece of glass cane the team just got finished making: 

A planet hidden on a rack of blow tubes: 

Josh and his team at work: 

Josh heating glass in the glory hole - I am not even kidding, that is what they call it. I was pretty amused by that, and surprised more people weren't laughing! 

I think this is when they decided this would be a bowl: 

Me and my beautiful mama: 

The view from the hill - Josh's yard: 

I'll definitely have a longer post within the next couple days but I just couldn't wait to share these!! 

Happy Monday!! 

Friday, November 6, 2015

Friday WI and Happy Weekend!!

Happy FRIDAY!! I felt like this day would never come!! 

I'm feeling very motivated and thankful today - even though I was bumming big time yesterday. I hopped on the scale this morning for my weigh in and was pleasantly surprised to see a ONE POUND LOSS!! 

Oh how I was NOT expecting that!! I have never been so happy about a one pound loss, but it was exactly what I needed. 

Last night I worked a little late and barely got a chance to see Mr. Fox before he took off for band practice. Turns out practice was cancelled, but he got to spend some time with close friends anyway. They got dinner at Nardelli's - which I have NEVER been to but have ALWAYS wanted to try. This morning I was left with half of a GIANT grinder which I wanted SO so so badly, but my one pound loss gave me the will power to say thank you, but no thank you. 

So I grabbed some coffee, and a GIANT pumpkin muffin from the batch I made the night before, and headed out to work. 

There's maybe a tiny part of me that really wishes I had that sandwich right now, haha! 

I *will* have one of those grinders one day. 

In other interesting news: I SIGNED UP FOR A 5K!!!! Seriously WHO am I?!?! I have no plans to run, but doing a 5K was always something I said I would do when I got more fit. Just this summer I said it was my goal for next year. But I decided - why wait?? I have two good legs and I can definitely WALK three miles. I've done it a million times. 

And just like that I was signed up. 

Who knew how motivating ONE pound could be?! 

The 5K is the Ugly Sweater Run in Bushnell Park on December 5th - how fun, right?! Our team is the Reindeer Runners and we're all dressing up. We have all 8 reindeer, Santa, some elves.. Mr. Fox and I are going to be Yukon Cornelius and the Bumble!! I can't wait. I already have my Amazon order on the way for some props! 

This weekend is another packed one. Tonight I'm going to my mama's for a sleepover, and we're going to Shelburne Falls, MA to see my FAVORITE artist and I am SO EXCITED!! Josh Simpson is a phenomenal glass artist. Seriously, do yourself a favor and check out his work. This is only the second open studio he has had in 40 years, and the first in 22!! I have been a super fan of his pieces for years now, and my (tiny) collection is one of my most prized possessions. I am seriously so pumped. 

Sunday we have family dinner at my in-law's house, which is ALWAYS eventful because of the company. Not in a bad way or anything - just sometimes exhausting. I believe I've mentioned before that not only do my mother and father-in-law live there, but also my sister and brother-in-law, and their three kids - including one adorable set of twin boys.  

I hope everyone has fun weekend plans and gets to enjoy some of this gorgeous fall weather!! 

Happy weekend and I'll check back in soon!!